The Other Shoe Dropped...

Tough Spot
Originally uploaded by Jerry Aaron Hazard.

Been a while since I've updated here, and lots has happened in the last six weeks or so, and any sense of normality still seems a long way off...

I've successfully left Ohio, and arrived in the promised land of the American southwest - Albuquerque to be exact. A spot shy of the original target - Saint George Utah, but with good reason... I found a kindred spirit, and have fallen uncontrollably in love...

Funny (or not) is that it was/is a person I "met" online, on a photo sharing community (flickr.com), and we had corresponded for months beforehand, neither of us were consciously looking for anything, and it just sort of fell together. She is wonderfully talented, very intelligent, BEAUTIFUL, understanding, passionate, compassionate, a superb mother to her teenage son, witty, and gets my jokes without having to explain...
I could probably go on for days trying to describe her, but it would all be for naught because the words just dont exist, other than to say I could not have planned nor invented such a person in a million years...

I am lucky beyond belief, and thank the powers every day for such a blessing...

And I miss her so much right now, I can hardly stand it...

About two weeks after my arrival in ABQ, I got message that my mother had fallen seriously ill, and was/is hospitalized. So I had to return to (gulp) Ohio to be with her, and to see exactly what the deal is.
The deal, turns out, is not good at all - diagnosis came back today as cancer - in her pancreas and liver. It is inoperable at this stage, and they have laid out the timeline for the course as well... Anybody halfway familiar will be able to grasp the magnitude of this diagnosis - needless to say, it is a very trying time for everyone.

life has a weird and hard balance to it, and I'm not real keen on the bitter irony presented to me; of course, death is a part of life, but this is not something I am prepared for, (who is?) and it is very difficult to accept. Death has never adversely affected me before this, I've remained detached for the most part, but tonight, that detachment broke, and it's all very real, very in my face, and very painful. On one hand, I've met the woman I will spend the rest of my life with, and on the other, the one that's gotten me to this point is being taken away.

I see the illustrated balance here, and the logical side of my head can even sort of grasp it, but deep down, I cannot agree nor accept it as 'right'... It certainly is not fair, and yeah, I know the saying.

I am lucky, though to be surrounded by good family, and a few very close friends, without them I'd go bonkers - and I would definately lose it were it not for one particular person in Albuquerque, and who I miss very very much.

So, I apologize if I've not responded to comments or emails. I've shot probably a couple thousand frames in the last six weeks, and it will be a while before I can really go through and edit them to my liking... heck I've barely time to go through and do light edits on the images I've taken in transit, and again being on a strange computer is a bit restrictive. I travel back to ABQ next week, and then will return to Toledo once again, and the timeframe for that visit is up in the air.

When I get a spare moment, I'll try and get back to messages that are piling up.
But for right now, I can only be sort of selfish with my web presence - my apologies; nothing personal - but it's truly an escape for me right now...

Sorry for the lack of eloquence as well ;) but thanks for stopping by just the same...

Peace.