My Heart Goes Out

I have not the words 5
Originally uploaded by Jerry Aaron Hazard.

My Heart Goes Out...

Today, the hammer came down in the workplace. The outsourcing situation is now officially resovled/dissovled. Corporate came down, doled out severance and sentences, all under the watchful eye of a rent a cop. You know, just in case.. somebody went.. "priceline" after receiving their 'sentence'.

There were cordial goodbyes, friendly hugs, exchanges of contact information, biting rebuttals and many tears. The overall atmosphere of the day was.. morose.

Save for the sad parts, I was pretty removed from the atmosphere, I felt present as more of a witness than a victim (like the others). With the unwitting assistance from an incredible person, I managed to frequently remove myself from the situation, if only in mind and spirit. And secretley inside, I was harboring a glimmer of happiness. I was made an offer that I am having a hard time finding a reason to refuse.

Many (well, about 20, including myself) were offered continued employment at the neighboring facility, of course, at a pretty significant cut in salary. Those who were not offered these positions, were literally sent packing - forced to depart immediately. The rest will finish out the week before signing on to the other company. A select few were permited to work the remainder of their shift, knowing this would be their final day.
At least, in the state of Ohio.

Our company has outsourced about 80 percent of our operations to a place in a far away state. The changeover is not going as smoothly as planned; the new 'agents' are having difficulty adapting to 'our' procedures, and they guidance from seasoned agents.

In a passing conversation, I learned that I was considered 'seasoned'. An offer, fairly lucrative, was subsequently extended to me:

Get flown to the outsourcing place to train my replacements. "The Company" will cover airfare, rental car, hotel lodging for the duration of 30 days, and a daily cash allowance for necessities such as food. After 30 days, should things work out, the option to sign on as permanent fixture will be offered. Should I deny it, they pay the airfare back home as well.

Under 'normal' circumstances, I would be offended at such an idea, how demeaning to train the person that is accepting your wage.

"Excuse me, can you see the knife protruding from m back? yea,, you got it.. could you be a champ and forcefully give a few good sharp, violent twists? ahhhh.. yes, thank you."

But the underlying kicker to all this: "The Company" is located in the state I've been planning to relocate to.

Utah.

I couldn't have asked for or conconcted such a perfect escape, and I've been working on this for months.

So amongst the morose atmosphere, uncertainty and tears, I'm this little beacon of satisfaction in the middle of it all.

My heart goes out to all those people, who don't know what's going to happen next, the ones that worked there just to carry insurance for their families, worked it as a second job, and even those that choose to continue with company next door. None of them deserves what they're getting, especially in the manner it was handed to them. Everybody got duped, and how - for once, I came out on top - I'll never know. I wish them all the best.

But, as it turns out, I ended up with it...

thanks for stopping in :peace:

El bailar con mi fuego

El bailar con mi fuego 1
Originally uploaded by Jerry Aaron Hazard.

I've tried several times to vocalize to put this to words... today it came together in concert with some photos I created...

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I've been in the dark so long, I've gotten used to it.

Not that there's anything wrong with the dark, but it can get a bit stifiling after a time. Opportunity for
growth, or opportunities for growth seem limited - I mean, how much personal growth can one get before it becomes unhealthy?

I see flickers, sometimes they flash by my "the dark", but habitually shun them. "I'm allright, I'm doing just fine." Then, I begin to wonder.. Just where do they go?

So, I've decided, or 'someone' has decided, that it's time to let the sun shine in, even if it's just a little bit.. the flicker, which briefly illuminated my "the dark", now provides some illumination; of things outside, my surroundings, and even myself.

It's definately different, sharing space with the flame, it flickers even when I'm not looking; I can be far away from it, and it still lights up things I have not viewed in a long time, and somehow, they seem different now, not better, not worse... Perhaps they are the same, but as the flame illuminates, it also sees. And that perception is what I notice.

So, "the dark" while still eveloping my edeges, is fading, as I willfully open myself to it's inquisitive illumination, and I'm equally inquisitive towards it.
I think of my parents, telling my not touch the campfire... But this I'm ignoring them.

I'm open.


Expanding, even it only means I'm filling space that I previously occupied.

Thawing.

I never noticed how cold it was in here...

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I feel much better to get that out, thanks...

Keep your corporate claws away from me...

For the Light
Originally uploaded by Jerry Aaron Hazard.

So.. the shit goes down at work.

Meeting takes place on my day off - supervisors only. Turns out that we been sold short - my company has outsourced our jobs to a firm in utah. They join the operation on monday, and supposedly take over on the 17th, all duties.

We are left with nothing, zip, zed, zero.
No word on severence or job placement assistance, nothing.

I'm fucked. I need this job for 6 more weeks to make enough denero to move. Without it, no move - but that's not an option. I will move. So my mind is racing for alternatives; but I'm coming up empty right now.

If worst comes to worst, which, it seems it has, I'll take the bare minimums with me; bikes, computer camera, clothes and cat. But that's still an expense I'm sure I can bare yet. damn.... damn.


I suppose that's where this migrane has come from. It's killing me. Just took an alieve, like it's going to help. I should eat something.

On a lighter note.. no forget it. I'll save it for when I can type with pleasant head..

fuc*

March... Still Winter.. but Marching

March... Still Winter
Originally uploaded by Jerry Aaron Hazard.

So it's March now. In like a freakin lion. I'm sure, being ohio, it will go through, and out with all the subtlety of an elephant as well. That's okay.

I believe I've finally come to terms with leaving. I'm glad to go; have accomplished what I need to here, and know what I have to do to get out. Even set a realistic, and very real departure week. Not down to the date yet, but I believe it's safe to say I won't be here in May. Just that thought makes me happy.

New camera is taking the edge off what's left of winter too.

Crazy happenings at the workplace. There's been about 20-30 new employees added to our system/department. Only, they have negelected to tell anybody. Oh, and these employees are all in a different state, about 2500 miles from us.

Proof that two management individuals made a visit out there recently surfaced. When quetioned they totally denied it happened, yet proof of their travel in a reservation system shows otherwise.

I'm part of the underground circle of employees that are aware of the 'situation' only we don't know what it is, specifically.

Another manager was questioned about the presence of the new employees, and at first tried to lie it off, and then switched gears and when totally beserk as if they were surprised and had no idea. This person can't have it both ways; they know, or they dont.

Tomorrow I will apply pressure to a couple people up the ladder I'm cool with, but I'm not sure they're hip as to what's going on either, but it will get a ball rolling.

If this were a benign sort of addition to the 'team', one would think they would be forthcoming about it, so everyone is a little concerned.

In other areas of my so called existence... well, we'll get to that later..